Saturday, January 22, 2022

Will it EVER get better?

A week ago today, I became unwell.

 I had a terrible headache/sore throat/earache.

I was freezing cold and just wanted to curl up and go to sleep.

I threw up and was shaking uncontrollably.

I 'lateral flow tested' every day......negative.

I was preparing for and organising the Funeral for my sister, and thought that perhaps I was just feeling 'low'.

I was so very cold and felt so exhausted that I went to bed and only got up on Tuesday morning to be driven by my son (and 'readied') by my daughter, to attend the small Graveside service funeral of my sister.

Cousins came from Liverpool, Stratford and Kent. I avoided kisses and left after a cup of tea locally. My daughter had 'Lateral flow' tested me then and since Tuesday I have done two more tests..both negative...and yet I literally have an exhausting cough and have never experienced a 'cold' or 'flu' like this. I have been back in bed since Tuesday and ....

The result today was ......positive......I knew at the back of my mind that this was Covid ....in all of my 67 years, 'flu' or a 'cold' has never made me feel this way.....and in fact, I wondered if my mind was preparing me for some sort of mental wind down as the last part of a 'things have been truly terrible, you need to just give in now' warning ........and without saying this to elicit  sympathy...........truly....just to state facts.....in the last couple of years I have moved house, divorced a husband of nearly 40 years, lost my father, sat and watched my mother die in hospital, watched my sister die in hospital, and lived alone through a pandemic that has been a living nightmare.... a constant 'one step forward twenty seven steps back' existence.

The Covid/NHS app has been completed and I will continue to self isolate for the next week.......but God ....grant me strength..please.

Wednesday, January 19, 2022

Knowing it makes no sense doesn't help...

 Although I chose her clothes, and had trusted that the Funeral Directors had dressed her in them, yesterday, at the funeral, as we stood by the graveside, I couldn't help but wonder if she was warm enough down there deep in the earth.