Saturday, March 27, 2021

Today I choose..........

 Not to dwell on how my sister (71) is staying temporarily with Ma, and I am the Nurse Ratched (sp?) to both of them now.....grim times at Needs Dusting Towers.

Instead I am asking if anyone (perhaps the expert Tom?) can suggest how I can make the path to my home look a little less horrible, now that I have had a water meter fitted and this concrete eyesore is how it looks now. I imagine I could replace the whole path somehow but as funds are limited I was curious about a quicker cheaper fix...a stain of some sort?

To be honest, I truly don't need to be irritated EVERY time I approach my own front door, and remember that the workman said 'it will weather in ........eventually'. 

Monday, February 22, 2021


 I do not have a good relationship with my Ma. Which is unfortunate, because I am the 'child' that she now has to rely on since Pa died. She lives alone, and has carers come in 4 times a day. I telephone twice a day and visit every week. We both try, and to some extent, we succeed, but it seems that we just don't get on really. Never have. Allied to that, her increasing signs of dementia, with confusion and forgetfulness and repetition is something I struggle to deal with...I know I'm doing wrong when I sometimes, in frustration, say 'you told me that four times earlier today'.....and mostly I keep my thoughts to myself...but I am her 'you're just like your father' and not in a good way child. So yes, I don't always hold my tongue, but I really really try. It is a work in progress.

Yesterday though, we had a telephone call that was longer and sweeter than any other, and we both enjoyed it. Not because we spoke nicely to each other or shared any tenderness of thought or feeling, or managed not to get 'prickly' with each other. You see Ma is blind, and she spends all day listening to the radio. It seems that a carer had come whilst she was listening to something and had Ma  'missed the end...what happended?'. She had been listening to Tess of the D'Urbevilles and was asking lots of questions about a book I must have read over 50 years ago. So I said to her 'hold on' and fired up the laptop for a version of the story...which I read to her, over the phone. I read, and I could 'hear' her listening....the 'mmmm'  every now and then, and the questions, and for me the remembering, and for her, hearing a story that was new to her. It was magical.

Thursday, February 18, 2021 or not to free.........

 Who knew I liked celery? I certainly didn't until very recently. I used to love onions and garlic and now I can't really 'get along' with either. My goodness me, as if the eating of toffees, crocheting,  and starting to look at that funny little supplementary magazine that comes with the newspaper (the one with socks and reading glasses and ads for vitamins) wasn't enough of a clue that I am well on my way into OAP land, I am now trying to be gluten free. Why? because as I used to say on my other blog, I have an arse/belly/hips combo that is ...well...bigger that it all should be. I thought the belly might be bloating, so I'm trying the gluten free route. I am very well aware that I could just eat less cake/chocolate and move my arse more, but really, times are hard, this girl has to grab some happy where she can...please don't judge me! More movement is planned, and I now don't eat whole bars of chocolate, just a few squares.

In reality of course I am trying to 'be brave' and move myself forward into better ways of thinking and doing and being. So, as the Spring approaches, I want to try to make myself feel better about myself. I had a long walk this morning. Yesterday I bought myself a new lipstick. As soon as it opens, I want to book an appointment at the hairdresser. I am trying, with my thoughts, not to 'dress rehearse for disaster' but to only be concerned with the here and now and what I can and cannot control.

Really, each and every day I'm just trying to do the best I can with the light I have to see by.

Thursday, February 11, 2021

Thank you nurse.....

I wore a sleeveless top so that I could be quick and there would be no time delaying 
stripping off.
I wittered on about being nervous and then......whoosh....all over. 
I was 'jabbed' this morning.
Thank you to all involved.

Sunday, February 7, 2021

A message from the Universe?

I try to make sure I have a walk each day.

 Long walks that take hours with a friend or just a solo local shop visit.

If I miss a day,  I feel lazy and cooped up and think that it is good not only for me to get some fresh air, but in these very strange and sometimes unsettling times, being outside and walking can aid ones mental health I think.

I live alone now and sometimes my thoughts need...rearranging ... or working through.

On my return to home journey the other day, I saw the bin lorry turn the corner, away from where I was walking. 

I was trying to work a few things out in my mind and was becoming a bit .....well do you know that feeling of just wanting to switch your brain off? but it's the only place you know and it keeps whirring away? (maybe that's just me) was resolved to just get home, have something to eat, and keep on keeping on. 

Something small up ahead on the pavement, was, I presumed a colourful bit of rubbish that had fallen from the bin lorry...........

In the interest of transparency, I must say that these two magnetic letters were not placed this way when my feet stopped by them......but ......e? b? p? I chose to listen to my 'message from the Universe' which in my mind was saying BE....just BE. 

Good Advice I thought.

Tuesday, February 2, 2021

Not seamless is it.....

 I suspect it is my inability to have any competence with 
regard to I.T. that means closing my old blog and starting a new one
is ...challenging. How embarrassing is that? Nevertheless I will 
continue. Of late, I remember the days of being at work and being
tired and busy, and wishing that I was retired and had time to 
just...sit....and read...or watch films...and go out and about...see exhibitions....galleries.....picnic..... or just 
pootle about doing ....not very much at all.
Those times are here.
Be careful what you wish for.